Rooster Kung Fu

I've been hanging out with our chickens a lot more these past couple weeks and I've noticed a number of things that both delight and concern me. The roosters don't get along with each other. If that weren't bad enough, I believe each of them want me dead. I've never had a pet who wanted to kill before. I've also never had a pet that, if time's got tough,  I could legally eat before. Try explaining that to a rooster though. Roosters don't care about reason... they're not trying to understand your point of view. Roosters are like drunk frat boys. They just wanna fight and bang chicks. The fact that they're significantly outmanned doesn't factor into their decision-making... "So you're 10 times bigger than me... So What?!! Let's do dis thang!" That's what the crowing is all about. Roosters crow all the time. All.Day.Long. They just scream, at random, all day long. They remind me of the really muscular guy in the gym who, upon completing some spectacular feat of strength, lets out a mighty, "Yeah! Whoo! That's what I'm talkin' about!" Roosters would be these guys if they were people. I find it hilarious and ironic that they are such small animals.

I also believe that the roosters crow in the mornings for very selfish reasons. We all have the image in our heads of the Kellogg's rooster crowing to wake up the happy farmers to inform them that another day has begun and that he may continue going about his business of slaughtering chickens. If roosters had any brains they would just not wake up the farmer. Let the humans sleep while they think up a daring escape plan like in the Disney movies. I think it's more than that though. Roosters aren't crowing to wake us up. That's not in their favor. Let's face it, the rooster only cares about one thing and that's himself. The rooster also reallizes that his daily activities consist of eating, going to the bathroom, and having sex with whichever chick he feels like mounting. What a life! If that's what I got to do all day, I'd want the day to begin as soon as possible too. "Hey everyone, wake up! Wake up! Do you know what today is?! It's another day! Now, you, you, you and... you... meet me in the courtyard."

I've learned alot from these roosters. But, as in most cases, what you set out to learn is never ultimately what you end up understaning. I knew I'd learn to care for, feed, and shelter these animals. But I had no idea that I was learning a very  ancient from of martial art. One that dates back to the dawn of time... I've been learning Rooster Kung Fu. You see, when we first started raising these guys, I was totally in their world. When I stepped into their coop (which has come to be known as the 'Cocktagon") I was entering into their world. I had no idea as to how to defend myself against a rooster attack. I've used sticks to keep them at bay, I've tried running away... none of that really seemed to work. I was feeling like it was I... who was the chicken. But then I reallized, I eat chicken for breakfast! That's when everything changed. I became the master and the roosters my pupils. Each time we're in the garden, I have to be on the allert, a true ninja. You never know when a rooster sneak attack will happen, and as we all know, the master cannot be outdone. Yes, we at Cafe Nola may be the only restaurant in the world, dare I say universe?! I dare! In the universe who have, not only organically raised, locally farmed eggs, but eggs that are guarded by two of the most fierce Kung Fu Roosters alive. Their names are Bangs Freely and Bootsy Collins the Funky Chicken!!!  Ya betta recognize.