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Life DID Give Me Lemons, And I Am Not Even Kind Of Mad At That

(for the version with proper links, click here)
Oh, hi. I didn't see you there. Probably because I am too busy COUNTING ALL OF THE BABY LEMONS ON MY MEYER LEMON TREE, JEALOUS?
Yes,
you read that correctly. So! many! lemons! Okay, maybe I lied on the
phone to my dad, because when he asked how my day was, I was like, oh,
hey, it's cool, I have like 40 lemons on my tree. That was a kind of
gross exaggeration. Also, hey, maybe it's kind of sad that when
someone asks me about my day the best answer I think to come up with
involves falsehoods about citrus. But I do have 20 baby lemons.


I know what you're thinking. How did the development of myriad citrus x meyeri
escape my notice? Well, a little after Christmas the tree was full of
flowers which smelled so wonderful but not at all like lemons. They
smelled like gardenias or something, very floral. Anyway, so every day
I would hand pollinate them. You're supposed to use a little paint
brush, but I had so much crap in my apartment that was so poorly
organized that I didn't know where my paintbrushes were, plus I was
lazy, so I just took my finger and brushed pollen from one flower to
the next, like I was one of the rapidly diminishing honey bees.


Then,
all the flowers slowly fell off, and Donut proceeded to eat them,
because he enjoys eating flowers. And I became uneasy, because I'd
only seen citrus trees in real life a couple of times before at
botanical gardens, and I didn't know what baby lemons looked like, so I
thought I'd killed them all. But then I did some internet machine
research, and TUNA SURPRISE, in turns out that my tree is, in fact,
full of lemons. Because the tree is so small right now, I'll
ultimately have to cull a number of the immature fruits from the tree,
since
the tree can really only support like four full size lemons, but yeah,
in nine to ten months, I should have several lemons that appear
comically oversized for the small tree they are growing from.

Oh, did you ask to see a million pictures, as though we are at brunch
in Park Slope and I am a mom who wants to show you excessive photos of
her small child? I think you did!
A Cluster Of Baby Lemons
Look, Now You Are Viewing Them Even More Close Up
Just Because You Lie About Lemons To Your Father Doesn't Mean That Your Life Is Incredibly Sad
Now Here Is The Whole Tree Documented With Excessive Flash, And By That I
Don't Mean Panache, Although That Is Involved As Well, I Mean The
Camera Mechanism

Also I Gave The Tree Some Halloween Lights That Were On Sale After The
Holiday But You Can't Really See Them Well In This Picture So I'm Not
Quite Sure Why I'm Captioning It Thusly


As you can see, these lemons are GREAT JUST GREAT. And this is only the beginning.
Do you have any idea how many other wonderful kinds of citrus there are
out there that you can grow in a container in your apartment? SO
MANY. Do you want to know about them? Of course you do!

Buddha's Hand:
Holy shit! Are you kidding me, Buddha's Hand? How are you this banana
cakes? You have not much juice and are used primarily for fragrance or
the zest, but your pith is not as bitter as most, so I could use you to
make liqueurs. You are one crazy bitch, Buddha's Hand.

Kaffir Lime:
Kaffir lime, your name is racist, but your leaves are indispensable in Thai
cooking, and your zest is allegedly wonderful, like beyond compare, as
in, stop trying to compare it to other limes, because you think you
know, but you have no idea. The juice is supposedly too bitter for
most cooking, but you can use a little in recipes, and I'm wondering if
you could use it for ceviche. And how crazy is it that its leaves are
so fragrant? Answer: it is so crazy. Also, you are supposed to be
useful for cleaning, brushing your teeth, and washing your hair. Go
ahead, racist lime. Go ahead. (But also, maybe stop having an
offensive name. Just a thought.)

Also, from the Slow Food Ark of Taste, consider growing one of the fruits from their list that qualifies by being:
  • Outstanding in terms of taste—as defined in the context of local traditions and uses
  • At risk biologically or as culinary traditions
  • Sustainably produced
  • Culturally or historically linked to a specific region, locality, ethnicity or traditional production practice
  • Produced in limited quantities, by farms or by small-scale processing companies
Meyer lemons are one of them, but here are their other American citrus picks:
And as for international citrus:
  • Amalfi Sfusato Lemon (Italy)
  • Bergamot (Italy)
  • Ciaculli Late-Winter Mandarin (Italy, Sicily)
  • Diamante Smooth Lime (Italy)
  • Ermelo's Orange (Portugal)
  • Interdonato Lemon (Italy, Sicily)
  • Montenegro Tangerine (Brazil )
  • Pompìa (Italy, Sardinia)
  • Procida Lemon (Italy)
  • Ribera Vanilla Orange (Italy)
  • Savona Chinotto Sour Orange (Italy, Liguria)
  • Sorrento Lemon (Italy)
  • Verdello Lemon (Italy)
Not to mention the fact that there are pommelos, limequats, kumquats,
citrons, grapefruits, tangerines, orangequats, and probably orangetwats
as well. But my next two goal citrus are those racist limes and the
Buddha's hand.



On
a final note, Citrus- They're Just Like Us! They love coffee. I've
been pouring old coffee and putting my spent coffee grounds around the
base like mulch, and it seems to be a good time. Plus, the coffee
grounds allegedly ward off some kinds of insects. My life really is a
party, gang!


Views: 289

Comment by Heather Flansworth on February 28, 2010 at 12:34pm
That's so awesome! What kind of lemon is it?

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