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lexirain2001
  • Medina, OH
  • United States
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a spirit of decay


My whole life I have been fascinated with decay and isolation. From an early age, I have always been sensitive to and drawn toward things and people that appear lost, forgotten or marginalized. I was the kid who would fish out and take home the lop-sided, smashed stuffed animal from the bottom of the back shelf. Things and places that are old, dilapidated or overgrown have always appealed to me more than their shiny and new counterparts. These things carry stories, history and a certain kind of art that come through the tatters and rust.

As I've grown, so has my taste in the old and broken. From teddy bears with crumpled fur and missing eyes I graduated to used books, old suitcases, graveyards and secondhand clothing. Steadily from there it has progressed and, now, in my thirties, I feel this overwhelming pull towards abandoned buildings. My waking moments are becoming consumed with the idea of capturing the tales of these places through words and photographs. On nearly every drive, no matter how mundane my destination, I stumble across what I am beginning to think of as "bleeding architecture": buildings that are so lonesome and empty they look as if they could weep.

Part of me believes that my intense fascination with these places stems from my own deep sense of loss as I grow older. As I age, I feel like I not only lose people and places who have had meaningful impacts on my life, but I also lose some of the childlike wonder that helps to fuel my creative spirit. As the day-to-day needs of adulthood all but choke out the more creative places in my mind and heart, it feels as if every day I lose a bit more: a bit more time, a bit more freedom, a bit more inspiration, and a bit more hope. It is as if the outside world, this incessant need to grow up and be something, be successful, pushes in at me from the outside. Its weight is crushing and smothering and I find myself too often choking on the have-tos and the musts, without room to breathe in the beauty and mystery of the world around me.

I don't feel as if I am unique in these feelings at all. In fact, the more I open my heart to the world I see around me, the more I notice the same crushed spirit in not only the structures and places around me but also the people. Sad, expressionless eyes greet me in the grocery store or in the teller line at the bank. I see despair and hopelessness regularly both at work and in my neighborhood. Sometimes it seems as if the entirety of the world at once gave up dreaming and stopped trying to notice the beautiful because its mere presence has become an all-too-painful reminder of ways in which each of us has failed to the ideals we once had as children.

I find myself drawn to these places and people clinging to that razor's edge between hope and despair. More than anything I want to communicate with them and capture their stories before the light in them fades entirely and they wither back into nothingness. I want to illuminate that moment where there once was possibility before it fades to black.

I believe my job as a writer and artist is to shine light on these bits of darkness. Doing so, I think, helps us remember what it feels like to be alive and dream. Being faced with the grim and gritty images of decay and loneliness need not be cause for depression and angst. It should instead be a siren song encouraging us to stop shutting down and stop shrinking back from life, even among its more painful and wretched of moments. It is in these exact moments when we are vulnerable that we can really FEEL with the authenticity and wonder of a child. Possibility is reborn and creativity comes to life.

Open your eyes to the beauty that lies in decay.
 

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OH Homesteading

A place for folks in Ohio to swap ideas, advice and materials.
Apr 2, 2013
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OH Homesteading

A place for folks in Ohio to swap ideas, advice and materials.
Mar 31, 2013
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OH Homesteading

A place for folks in Ohio to swap ideas, advice and materials.
Dec 13, 2012
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OH Homesteading

A place for folks in Ohio to swap ideas, advice and materials.
Jun 11, 2012
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OH Homesteading

A place for folks in Ohio to swap ideas, advice and materials.
Sep 18, 2011
Dave joined lexirain2001's group
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OH Homesteading

A place for folks in Ohio to swap ideas, advice and materials.
Aug 17, 2011
Jen replied to lexirain2001's discussion 'Newbie Looking for Resources' in the group Hunting, Gathering and Foraging
"My favorite book for I.D.ing plants is Newcomb's Wildflower Guide.  It teaches you all about leaf type, petal type, the different parts of the plant, and it has a glossary.  You can tell if you're getting better at identifying…"
Aug 9, 2011
Heather Skerl Spegal replied to lexirain2001's discussion 'How Does Your Garden Grow?' in the group OH Homesteading
"Hey there! I'm in the southwest part of Ohio... This year I have expanded my garden . I have added a few new things along with extras of the yearly favorites. The one new thing I planted that did not do good in my garden this spring were peas.…"
Jun 15, 2011
Profile IconHeather Skerl Spegal and Rebecca Haughn joined lexirain2001's group
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OH Homesteading

A place for folks in Ohio to swap ideas, advice and materials.
Jun 15, 2011
Rebecca Haughn commented on lexirain2001's group 'OH Homesteading'
"Hi just joined this group and see that you are asking about garden planting.  I have put in some fruting trees and bushes this year and most are doing ok.  My Tomatoes, corn, popcorn, watermelon, cantelope and chard, sweet potatoes and…"
Jun 15, 2011
lexirain2001 commented on lexirain2001's blog post 'The Monster in My Closet'
"My biggest challenge is dealing with my homesteading ADD...I have so much I want to learn and I do love it all, but after a while, if I'm not careful, I'm doing a ton of things half-cocked instead doing a few really well."
May 24, 2011
Flour Sack Mama commented on lexirain2001's blog post 'The Monster in My Closet'
"I share some of your angst with regard to my sewing projects.  I love sewing when I can find the time and space and freedom to complete a project.  But I have several projects piling up right now, including repairs of my daughters'…"
May 24, 2011
lexirain2001 posted a blog post

The Monster in My Closet

**cross-posted from my blog, Semi-Farmed Kind of Life. If you enjoy reading it, please follow me on Blogger and help me hit my goal of 25 followers by June!** There comes a time as a homesteader when you reach a plateau, one where all the things you've begun to do on your own become a little overwhelming in quantity. It comes to each of us differently, but, rest assured, it comes nonetheless. You might find youself waking up in a…See More
May 23, 2011
lexirain2001 commented on lexirain2001's blog post 'Give It Away Now'
"Please post recipes on the blog by following this link to be entered in the contest. Thanks!"
May 16, 2011
lexirain2001 posted a blog post

Give It Away Now

**cross-posted from my blog, Semi-Farmed Kind of Life. Please visit me there and say hello!** After a full ten days of blissed out hanging out, it's almost time to head back to the world of deadlines, meetings, and paperwork. Toady has been mostly about putting the homestead back in order so we can function around here for the next four days with all the rush that goes along with work and school days. Hubs and I headed out to return…See More
May 16, 2011
lexirain2001 posted a blog post

Working on Purpose: Success Is Helping Others

**cross-posted from my blog,Semi-Farmed Kind of Life. Please visit the blog to enter the book giveaway.** I think I truly needed this. A week's worth of respite: soul searching, time spent with family, and a chance to do some honest-to-goodness physical labor with my hands in the dirt. It's been like a balm for my heart, which had seriously been struggling with the concept of employment these last few weeks. Those of you who aren't…See More
May 11, 2011

Profile Information

What kind of HOMEGROWN are you?
Earth Mama
A bit about me:
I'm a freelance writer in Ohio. My blog, http://semi-farmed.blogspot.com/, is where you'll find me writing about my family, local food, and sustainable living.
http://www.examiner.com/green-parenting-in-akron/heather-hunter
Latest greatest meal cooked at home:
Hmm- Gumbo!
Currently reading:
Bringing it to the Table by Wendell Berry
Currently listening to:
Iron & Wine- Kiss Each Other Clean
My latest DIY project:
Working on building my first chicken coop! :)
Web site I recommend:
http://semi-farmed.blogspot.com/

Lexirain2001's Blog

The Monster in My Closet

**cross-posted from my blog, Semi-Farmed Kind of Life. If you enjoy reading it, please follow me on Blogger and help me hit my goal of 25 followers by June!**

 

There comes a time as a homesteader when you reach a plateau, one where all the things you've begun to do on your own become a little overwhelming in quantity. It comes to each of us differently, but, rest assured, it comes nonetheless. You might find…

Continue

Posted on May 23, 2011 at 7:44pm — 2 Comments

Give It Away Now

**cross-posted from my blog, Semi-Farmed Kind of Life. Please visit me there and say hello!**

 

After a full ten days of blissed out hanging out, it's almost time to head back to the world of deadlines, meetings, and paperwork. Toady has been mostly about putting the homestead back in order so we can function around here for the next four days with all the rush that goes along with work and school days.…



Continue

Posted on May 16, 2011 at 4:04pm — 1 Comment

Working on Purpose: Success Is Helping Others

**cross-posted from my blog,Semi-Farmed Kind of Life. Please visit the blog to enter the book giveaway.**

 

I think I truly needed this. A week's worth of respite: soul searching, time spent with family, and a chance to do some honest-to-goodness physical labor with my hands in the dirt. It's been like a balm for my heart, which had seriously been struggling with the concept of employment these last few weeks. …

Continue

Posted on May 11, 2011 at 4:33pm

A Little Hard Work Never Killed Anyone (But It Sure Made 'Em Sore)

**cross-posted from my blog, Semi-Farmed Kind of Life, that highlights my family's adventures as we establish our own organic subsistence farm in NE Ohio. If you enjoy it, please subscribe and tell a friend. **

 

I woke up today to screaming thighs. It's astonishing how out of shape you can get over a long winter while working a desk job. Fortunately, I've got several free days left to get back in the swing of…

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Posted on May 9, 2011 at 9:11am

Comment Wall (2 comments)

At 12:40pm on April 27, 2011, Angie Thomas said…

OSU NR degree

other available OSU online degrees

Here is a link to some information about the NR program, plus another link to the other degrees you can get online through Oregon State.  Right now I am trying to overcome the seething rage that only comes from online math classes...after I finish my homework, I would be glad to answer any questions you might have!  I do love my program...I am just not a math lover.

At 1:52pm on May 3, 2011, Angie Thomas said…
Hi!  I don't know if you looked into my NR program or not, but my advisor told me about new requirements that are starting for anyone admitted this summer or after.  Here is the guide:  New NR requirements

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